[The door opens and Carter looks up at Luka, looks past him, his stomach churning.]
I... wasn't sure I would.
[He lingers for another long, awkward moment, then steps inside.
He doesn't look at Luka's face for too long, he's moving very consciously about the room, he chooses a wall to lean against that is close to the door and ensures that Luka is not between him and the door.]
The words fill him with dread, and he sets his jaw, frowning at the floor.]
I figured you might.
[And he hates it. Hates the memory that is dredged up of it happening to him. Hates the guilt and the relief he feels when this time, it is not him.
Hates that he feels like an accomplice in all this. No, not feel. He is one, no matter how good his intentions. Would he have kept the secret for anyone else? Carter doubts it.
[Carter feels his blood run cold at Luka's suggestion.
Find a person to sacrifice to him? How can he ask that of him? How can he make that suggestion and not expect Carter to slam the door on his way out? Is he really that far gone?]
... I can do that.
[He is not going to do that.
But he's willing to lie about it if it means Luka agrees to trying.]
We'll be smart about it. Take precautions. I'm not making you go cold turkey without a plan, okay?
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no subject
I... wasn't sure I would.
[He lingers for another long, awkward moment, then steps inside.
He doesn't look at Luka's face for too long, he's moving very consciously about the room, he chooses a wall to lean against that is close to the door and ensures that Luka is not between him and the door.]
It feels pretty stupid.
no subject
Luka draws in a sharp breath, not sure he can handle this.
Handle things not being the way they were.
He’s so afraid of him.]
It’s not stupid. You need to keep yourself safe.
[He wrings his hands a bit.]
I…fed. Before you came here. So I wouldn’t be hungry.
no subject
The words fill him with dread, and he sets his jaw, frowning at the floor.]
I figured you might.
[And he hates it. Hates the memory that is dredged up of it happening to him. Hates the guilt and the relief he feels when this time, it is not him.
Hates that he feels like an accomplice in all this. No, not feel. He is one, no matter how good his intentions. Would he have kept the secret for anyone else? Carter doubts it.
They're all hypocrites here.]
So your condition is... unchanged.
no subject
[He looks down at the floor too, the guilt threatening to eat him alive.]
I do it pretty regularly. I’m afraid if…
…I don’t know what’ll happen if I don’t.
no subject
[Carter looks up briefly at that, something resonating with him when Luka says I don't know what'll happen if I don't.
He knows that fear of the unknown. Of being without.]
We could try. Monitor you. Like a... detox.
no subject
I haven't. I...
I don't know what will happen if I do. What if it makes me go crazy, makes me ravenous and I end up like the others...?
[Like the other Avatars?]
You'd have to tie me up. And then in case it all goes wrong...find someone for me to feed off of in an emergency.
no subject
Find a person to sacrifice to him? How can he ask that of him? How can he make that suggestion and not expect Carter to slam the door on his way out? Is he really that far gone?]
... I can do that.
[He is not going to do that.
But he's willing to lie about it if it means Luka agrees to trying.]
We'll be smart about it. Take precautions. I'm not making you go cold turkey without a plan, okay?